I'VE NEVER BOUGHT INTO THE IDEAS OF FEMINISM: AND YES, I BELONG TO THE KITCHEN. NGOZI, LECTURER, MEDIA PRACTITIONER AND FOUNDER OF SLAM INITIATIVE. (INSPIRING WOMEN: INTERVIEW!)

For women with dreams!
And men with needs!!

As Ms. Ngozi shares her passions and experiences, discusses her projects both past and future, and her views towards life,
We learn a rare art of selfless service to humanity, creativity, tenacity in chasing ones dreams and achieving true fulfilment in life.


PLEASE CAN WE MEET YOU?

My name is Ngozi Marion Emmanuel. I am a Lecturer of the Department of Mass Communication. Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka. I am also the Program Coordinator/C .E.O of SLAM INITIATIVE. SLAM is an acronym for SMART LEARDERS ARE MADE. It’s been on for 6years since 2010. It was registered in 2010 with Corporate Affairs Commission, and because I was still a student when it all started, we registered with the Student Affairs Department.


FOR WHAT PURPOSE WAS ‘SLAM’ REGISTERED?

I wanted it to last, and to outlive me, to be something that even if I am not around, like out of the country, someone else could continue. The initial idea about SLAM was a Media Company, like a Media house where we publish magazines, run advertisement for people, just a typical Media company, but then it metamorphosed into an Initiative basically involved in Projects concerning Community Developments, like a Foundation or an NGO. Currently, we have two projects that we do, we don’t just do the two, but it is the most pronounced. We have the ‘SLAM WALK’, which is for Secondary School Students, involving Mentorship, last year we went to their schools, talked to them, shared our life experiences, our stories to inspire them and answered their questions.

And this year we held a conference for them. Last year we went to them, this year they came to us. It was in partnership with Anambra State Ministry of Education, UNESCO and the Nnamdi Azikiwe University. This year was a big deal, because the Mentorship was on social reality, Media Literacy. This is because you found out that young people don’t understand the permanence of the internet, that the Internet does not forget, also they don’t know how to maximize the potentials of the media, and they do not also understand the dangers inherent in the Media, so I thought it wise that we teach them what this new media thing is about, what the dangers and potentials are, and we got resource persons to talk to them.



HOW DID YOU MANAGE WITH FUNDING THE CONFERENCE?

UNESCO supported, they fed the kids, the Department of Mass communication handled every other thing, the Ministry of Education Anambra State supported by making sure the kids were there, we didn’t have to bother about transporting the children to the University, from everywhere in Anambra state, Nnewi, Onitsha, Okija, from far distances, it would have been very expensive, this they did with their buses. So we didn’t bother about transporting them, we just bothered about teaching them what we wanted to, giving them the Certificate of Participation, and making sure they were happy by entertaining them.

The Resource persons for the conference were, Prof. Chinyere Okunna, she is currently the head of Mass communication, And the incoming Dean of Social Science Faculty, she was a Commissioner of Anambra state government, We had DR. Igwebuike Onyiaorah, he is the Director of International Collaboration and Linkages, Prof. Fredrick Odibo, he is the Director of Academic Planning for UNIZIK, then Dr. Uche Ebeze, he is a lecturer of the Department of Masscom, it was chaired by Dr, Emma Ojukwu, the Director of Information and Public Relations of UNIZIK. Basically, we had media resource persons because we were talking about Media Literacy. All the resource persons knew when the Idea was initiated, we all began the project, when I got the idea and I had them in mind as my Resource persons, I had to run the idea by them, even before I got approvals from both the University and the Ministry, they were there, they wanted it to hold, because they saw the need for Media Literacy for kids they saw how young people used the internet wrongly, I sold the passion to everyone of them, they bought it, they were as interested and keen as I was in driving the vision, so there was no special invitation.



COULD YOU TALK ABOUT THE WAYS THE NEW MEDIA CAN BE USED WRONGLY?

They say when the purpose of a thing is not understood, abuse is inevitable. The Internet is a super high way of information, it is data in cloud, the world in one cell phone, a laptop or an Ipad, but when you keep using it to just chat with a friend, and most times on vain chatting, then you get into ‘sexting’, which is communicating sex via social media, because that is the bane of the media for young people, they get engaged in sexting, “how do you look now, what are you wearing, can I see your picture?”, before you know it, is degrades into, “can I see your nude picture?”, and then they think it is private, “I am just chatting with this person, and it is just this person that is viewing this picture”, and someday, they get to see these things online, and they wonder, ”how did it creep into the internet?” and the internet has a very unforgiving spirit, internet can call up something from 10 years ago, and probably you can excuse the fact that you were young and stupid, but the world will not forget.

So, when young people just solely base the use of the internet on entertaining themselves, listening to music, downloading movies, playing bets and all that, using the internet as a means of escapism, rather than working hard, with them, the internet is safe, it is an escape route, “I feel happy with it” and they become keyboard friendly and they just keep tapping away and wasting their lives. Internet is addictive, if you do not control it, it controls you, because you will always have this urge of checking up on your friends and all that, even for the adults, let alone kid, they need to be educated and that is the essence of it.


WHAT DO YOU LOOK OUT FOR IN SELECTING THE ‘SLAM’ TEAM?

I think one of the things I have always looked at for in young people is passion, and the spirit of diligence, if you can work hard and you are smart, because I don’t like to talk “down” on people and be too elementary and trying to explain myself. Once I see a smart young person that is diligent, I know the person has a future, because the person will volunteer into worthy visions, one thing young people lack these days is the spirit of volunteerism, once you call them up for something or think you can build something with them, they will tell you, how much are you paying me? I go for young people that will say, “let me devout my time and talent to this course and see the gains and loss as mine”. So I talk to them, I just sell the vision to them.

That is all I do, I sell, “this is all we do, this is what SLAM is all about, I tell them the situation of things, “can you see how young people are going astray, do you think we can salvage it?”. It’s a sick world, we can’t heal everybody, but we can get to one person at a time, and that counts for something, it doesn’t have to be a global outburst of impact. It could just be one kid in one little corner, and then after talking to them, if they buy the vision, and they are able to give themselves wholly to it.



HAS THERE BEEN A TEAM MEMBER WHO DROPPED?

Yes, you see, they are all test of leadership. Like one of my former team member told me that when he told me that he was leaving, there is this way I took it calmly, that he was expecting me to be angry and ask a lot of question. He just said he was leaving, I said “ok”. Then I asked him, “Where are you leaving for?” he told me, he was an integral member of the team, but if you want to go, I will let you go. I don’t believe anyone is indispensible.

I have always believed in discovering new talents, and that is even where my Joy lies, and over time, they’ve all called to say thank you, it’s just my happiness, and I can still call them today and say, ”I need you to do this for me”, they will do it. So I am happy for the kind of impact I have been able to make in my own like corner.


LET’S TALK ABOUT YOU FORTH COMING EVENT.

Yes, that is the SLAM YOUTH HEROS AWARD. We started it in 2011, that was my final year of university. It was a tough one to have begun, because it was really tough going around looking for sponsorship, until finally when I was already throwing in the towel and saying “oh please, I don’t get anything from these awards, and It’s not like I am making some money nor is it a business venture, it’s just something borne out of passion to help young people grow, DBC ASSOCIATES came to the rescue, and they agree to sponsor the awards for the next five years, and I have been enjoying that, we did the first and second awards, it was a big deal.

This year will be the third award for SLAM, this year is massive, we have nominations from outside the country, this is the only SLAM’S AWARDS I am anticipating, I don’t know of other people, but for me, I can’t wait for it to come because we have a lot of nominations.

The nomination is made through our website, that is www.slammagazinenig.com, its either you nominate a young person that you know is really making an effort to truly live, or if you come across the website, you can apply for yourself and answer the simple questions, and after that we get it in an email, and we call them for an Interview, on the 15th of October 2016, we had an interview for the physical nominees present. Few days after that we had the Skype interview for those who applied from outside the country and for those who are within the country but couldn’t make it. We had about two persons from outside Anambra State, one from Lagos, and one from Kwara State, who came into Awka for the interview. We want to give a chance to every young person, it is now the judges duty to sift through, and get the most qualified for each of the categories.

We are just giving out 8 Awards, and they are very competitive, some of the Awards include, ‘THE YOUTH LEADER OF THE YEAR’, which is one prize we are very careful in giving out. We want to make sure the person we are giving that to will still be a leader years to come, so it wouldn’t be that, you are a Youth leader now, and after getting the award, you relapse and not doing anything again. We want someone who in 10years from now after the Award, we check out the person’s life, just like we have been checking out our past winners, and they are still living true to the award, that’s why it’s a very tricky process, we don’t do votes, like the highest vote wins, no, it will just mean that the more popular you are, the more chances of winning, that is not objective. It will defeat the purpose. We also have ‘THE BEST COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT PROJECT OF THE YEAR’, THE SLAM INTELLECTUAL’, for those students prospering in academics. We have ‘THE FASTEST GROWING ENTREPRENEUR IN BUSINESS’, we have ‘FASTEST GROWING ENTREPRENEUR IN ENTERTAINMENT AND ARTS’, and so on. Nomination has ended. More information is available on the website.




WHAT DO YOU ACHIEVE IN ALL THESE PROJECTS YOU INITIATE?

It just make me happy, it gives me fulfillment, like the Secondary School project, on the day of the conference, before it all started, I felt emotional, because at a point I was frustrated, it wasn’t looking like it was going to happen, I just went to the back of the auditorium, I cried my eyes full, and after crying I came out, I felt refreshed, and that day, I was just at the back watching the kids, and they were happy and that was it for me.
I was telling my friends that, that conference day was like the 31st of December for me, that my year was done, the fact that they were happy, and they were learning, asking questions, they wanted to know, I was just so excited, that was it. I am happy I am making impact,. If it influences, two persons, four or five, then I am happy.


WHO ARE YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE?

Young people, always the young people, but in the near future, we hope to incorporate the older generation, design projects that will be befitting for them, because you can’t get too old for learning, every person at every point in their lives needs to learn.


WHAT CHALLENGES DO YOU ENCOUTER AS A PERSON IN DOING THESE PROJECTS?

I get reactions like, “you should start thinking of getting married”, they don’t even care how old I am, or probably if I am really ready for marriage, their just get, “after all, you are working now, go and get married, and they keep telling you, don’t aim for more. I remember way back in 2014, when we had that long ASUU strike for 6months, then they paid us, it was enough to get a car, that was the only thing on my mind, then I ran the idea by some people, that I called friends, “NG, what is wrong with you, you are really intimidating men with your achievements, do you want them to run away, don’t you want to get married?” and they started pulling up examples for me , “look at this one, she is not married, look at this other one.” and I can’t explain how I bought and sold myself into that philosophy, and if you asked me today what happened to the money, I don’t know, I just know that I don’t have the money anymore.

In as much as I am not a feminist, I have never bought into the ideas of feminism, earlier in life my mom taught me how the world is structured, and I can’t fight it, there are things that are standard, I belong to the kitchen yes, the kitchen is one of the most powerful constituent in the world, yes I belong to the other room, the other room makes you come alive, and your living room, probably, but then I also belong to many other greater things, there are things beyond the kitchen and the other rooms that I can do as a human being and you shouldn’t stop that, you shouldn’t tell me because I am a woman and I have accepted that my place belongs to the kitchen, I shouldn’t do other things, I should live for you, I should not try to achieve this, just so you will feel comfortable to talk to me because you are a man, so if I want to aim for the moon and I can actually reach for the moon, I shouldn’t, I should just try to play around the stars, so as to consider the man, that’s what the society teaches us. “if you have an inspiration as a woman, don’t really aim too high, so that the next guy can feel comfortable to talk to you” , and if you are not careful, you will find out that you are actually living that philosophy, if you are trying to make a plan, you start putting the man into perspective, so that when he talks to you, he will become comfortable. It’s sad.

I have found out that a true man loves us this way, a true man wouldn’t want a liability, someone without ideas, someone without dreams, someone without fire, without focus, someone who is not hard working, a true man will want a partner in life and everything, someone who is ready to get dirty, to work, that is what a true man wants, but the average man just wants a beauty queen, a bimbo, she is just physically ok, but empty upstairs.
There is something I tell my friends all the time, the system is flawed, it is a confused system, we want this today, tomorrow we want the next, the laws are not straight, the laws are flawed, so if you follow societal rule and structure, you will be confused, because it is built to cage human beings and naturally, humans are adventurous beings, because the Bible says we are to have dominion over everything, God created humans essentially for adventure, you can’t keep us down. The society is a confused one and I pity those who believe in the system.



HOW HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO MANAGE THE PERCEPTION OF THE SOCIETY IN LIVING YOUR LIFE?


You know, they tell you that the highest level of emotional intelligence is when you get to that point where you are able to make a joke out of yourself, and you enjoy it, it means you have self mastery, because it is rare to see people who do, “oh, I am so skinny, look at me, and you laugh at yourself for being skinny, be confident enough to believe in yourself, probably, the society wants skinny, and every other time you want to check out yourself and start asking “am I adding weight?, am I fat? And then someone mistakenly tells you that you are, it then brings depression.

So the greatest form of self mastery is at that point when you can look at yourself, and enjoy yourself, make jokes out of yourself. I think that is my defense mechanism. I go to class and say, “you see people like us that are awaiting marriage o, you know..” then the students laugh. It doesn’t change or remove anything about me, you can’t use it against me because I have already used it against myself. When you do that, the society can’t conquer you, you will conquer it instead, but when everything everybody says get to you, you are still at that lowest form.



DO YOU THINK THE WOMAN SHOULD FIRST BE CONCERN ABOUT BEING A WIFE AND A MOTHER, AND ALSO SHOULD PLAY A HIGHER ROLE IN PRESERVING THE FAMILY?

They should be concerned, but everybody should bear equally responsibility, the man has his role to place in the family, the woman has her role, except the woman wants to fully take up all the responsibility, or her husband suggests it, and she thinks she will like to stay at home and take care of the children, but not when you have passions burning inside of your head, and then you have things to do, and some man will tell you to become a house wife, even if he volunteers to pay you, life is beyond money, not everything is about money, you could be earning 300,000 naira or half a million a month and yet you are not happy, you are not fulfilled, just imagine me that my energy is everywhere all the time, then someone confines me into a house and tells me, to tend to the kids and then cook and clean, well, I may be able to survive that because I am a writer, and most of the time I love quiet, then, probably I decide to start selling books, I can survive it.

But not now, I am still as busy as I am, and you tell me, “Please stay in house and take care of our children, I will be paying you half a million a month, no darling, keep your money, the work I am doing gives me fulfillment, I am impacting lives, I am influencing people, and that is more than you can pay me, what are nannies for?, grandmothers for?, my mother for?, and it’s not like I am going to work 24/7, why do I have to stay with them every other time and minutes, and you the man, you will go out of the house and work and come back, and you will receive fresh air and meet people and live and me I should be in the house and die off. It is debasing, if a man is educated and thinks like that, I am worried about his certificate.



WHAT CAN BE DONE TO CHANGE THE SOCIETAL PERCEPTION ON THE ABOVE ISSUE?

There is no society anywhere, it is not one building or one town, we are the society, it is just like church is not the building, and it is the people that make up the church. We are the society, in our own little corner we can begin to be vocal, the problem is that people just have all these beautiful notions in their heart, and they don’t talk about it, in their mind they will be saying, “I don’t think the society should be doing all these”, they don’t talk about it. If you believe in something strongly, and you are vocal about it, you are beginning to influence people, then the new perception circulates and there is a societal change.


WHAT WILL YOU SAY ABOUT THOSE GROUPS OF WOMEN WHO DISCOURAGE OTHER WOMEN FROM SPEAKING OUT ON THESE ISSUES?

I have been there before, they will tell you to “shut up” that a woman is not supposed to talk, the only thing I ask them is, “who wrote the Rule book on how and how not a woman should act? Show me the constitution, where is it? Who is the author? We just keep dancing to patriarchal system of the world, which is why I told you something about self mastery, when you are at that level, you are independent in everything, mind, soul and spirit. It is very important, because once you don’t attain that height, anything can move you and soak into your spirit, ideas from everywhere, and before you know it, you look at yourself and say, “How did I become this way”. The best thing is, have self mastery, don’t allow what the society says or do not say to influence you.



WHAT GIVES YOU INSPIRATION TO DO MORE?

I am a student of life, I am a deep person, my mind processes a lot of things, I have come to know that life is not a rehearsal place, it is either you are living life or not, and you only have one shot at it, I can’t waste time because it is not something I have, my friends know me as “there is no time to waste time”, because I am always saying, “there is no time to waste time, lets do it”. That is what inspires me, the fact that there is no time to waste time, and I don’t have a control over my life. Though we pray for long life. I want to live out all aspect of my live. Creative Industry, Media, Education, etc, that’s why I have done so much for myself, I am happy because I am a student of life, there is nothing you can mention now that you will say this girl has not tried to do, with the kind of potentials I have, assuming life gives us a lot of chances at living, I can relax, but it is just one shot, I need to make it count every step of the way, and that’s what inspires me.



WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED FOR?

There is nothing as beautiful as leaving a legacy, that when you are gone, everybody, at least, a better part of the world will say, someone like this was here, somebody walked this planet, and the greatest investment is doing it in people, touching people’s lives, nobody is going to remember you for the amount of cars you have, the mansions you built, the boats by the sea side, no, you are going to be remembered for the lives you touched, it is those lives that will now be the testimony of your life, like you have given pieces and bits of your life into a lot of human beings, I want to change their lives for good.


WHAT ARE YOUR CHERISED VALUES?

I value hard work, I value God, I can’t do anything without God, I talk to Him all the time, and we have a very unpretentious relationship. Before the conference came, devil was trying to mess with my head, I just prayed, so after the event, I was telling my team about it before we did the team prayer, I said to God, ”Lord just do this conference for me, not because of me, but because of this children and because I am known with you”, and God did it.
Honesty, it is easier than lying, which is a lot of work, and I don’t have creative energy to maintain a lie, I will tell you the way it is, if you don’t like it, go, life is very simple, and good living, in as much as I know we can’t be perfect and I don’t want people to pretend they are perfect to me, just be yourself, unpretentious living, but then we need to strive towards perfection, morality, helping people, these are the age long value that keeps me going.



WHAT SUGGESTION OR ADVICE WILL YOU GIVE YOUNG LADIES PURSUING THEIR DREAMS?

One thing I always tell young girls and my students is “please do not rush into marriage”. That stuff is for the rest of your life, there is no need to rush anywhere, you rush into it, you rush out, you need to get prepared for it, and in the main time, chase your dreams before that time comes, make sure you have dreams that are bigger than you, if it is easily conquerable then it is not a dream.

Like for instance, I want to be in Aso rock some day, I like politics, I was the first female president of my department, I was very much involved in campus politics, I love diplomacy and governance, I love negotiations, that is why I am still leading in different capacity today. I love to be a diplomat and a leader someday, and it looks big more than I am capable of now, that’s what makes me wake up every morning and thrive to reach up to it, little by little, and to take the steps necessary. They should live their lives, the man will come.



WHAT SHOULD MARRIAGE BE ALL ABOUT?

Marriage should be about friendship, first, there should be understanding, it shouldn’t be forced, because you can stay with your friend forever, if your husband is your friend, you people will live the marriage forever, but if the person is just a husband, and you are just doing wifely duties, there are chancing that you are going to be fighting every other time, and eventually breakup.


DO YOU THINK THAT THERE IS AN UNQUAL TREATMENT BY THE AFRICAN SOCIETY ON THE FEMALE FOLKS?

I have refused to think like that, I think it is a feminist thing to think, because people like you and I are all product of the society, so how come the society didn’t hold us down. I came from a very low beginning, but how come we all turned out fine, I hate to play the victim, I think that’s what is holding women down. We keep playing the victim, when there is so much strength in us. When you have the victim mentality, you are not going to go far because you want pity, It doesn’t call for self sufficiency.



IS THERE NEED FOR WOMEN ADVOCATES IN THE COUNTRY?

Yes, there are issues on ground for very rural communities, Nigeria is still a developing nation, and there are a lot of things we have not yet gotten right, because of cultural practices, and the way we have been crafted into thinking, for those very rural places where girls are still circumcised, where girls are made to marry people two times older than their fathers, because they were betrothed when they were kids, they need to be spoken for, just so they will see the light. Education of the girl child is not well considered in most rural communities in Nigeria also.

Things are changing now, even the Igbo man is not bothered about male or girl child anymore, unlike before, when you are married and you don’t have a male child, they will tell the man to go and marry a second wife, but now they are comfortable with their girls, and I am happy they are changing. In Anambra State alone, women achievers are countless, they have gotten to understand that woman are also priceless children, and they always come back home. I don’t know of the north, and some rural parts in the east, the West have always understood the place of women.
I am thankful that we have advocates for women’s right, and I think it is needed. In this world I always say, let your mouth be beside you all the time. We need to be vocal, because there are some rural places in the country that are yet to get it right. The more they hear it, the more they begin to change, the more civilization begins to get into those interior places.