"NOT SCRIPTURAL FOR WIFE TO SUBMIT HER EARNINGS": INTERVIEW! MONEY AND MARRIAGE.

Money has caused a lot of trouble in marriages, we often forget to discuss this with our spouse during courtship and end up hitting a gridlock. Which can lead to quarrels, fighting or separation. I decided to talk with Mrs Yerokun, who has both experience and the knowledge we need to tackle the issue of Money in our Marriage. Enjoy the interview.





CAN WE MEET YOU?
I am Mrs Yerokun Oluwatoyin. I’m a mother of two, a boy who is an undergraduate and a girl. I hold a Masters degree in computer science and I am currently working on my doctorate. I work at Federal College of Education, Technical. I lecture on everything pertaining to computer Science Education. I am from Ondo State. By virtue of my profession as a lecturer, I meet students everyday, and as a Christian and a minister by God’s grace, I am in the position to give counsel and I do that regularly, also as a mother. I give talks at seminars and conferences.



WHAT IS YOUR CONCEPT OF AN IDEA MARRIAGE?

Whatever I say I will be leaning on my faith, as a Christian woman. Marriage is God’s plan for two major purposes. One is for companionship, two, to raise Godly offsprings.



HOW SHOULD COUPLES RELATE TO EACH OTHER IN MARRIAGE?

Of course they are partners. Marriage is partnership, the two of them have now become one, so they are now a kind of partner with God, God is on one side, they at the other side, the two of them have now become one to fulfill God’s own vision on earth.




AS A CHRISTIAN, HOW WILL YOU RECONCILE “PARTNERSHIP” TO THE IDEA OF “SUBMISSION OF THE WIFE” LIKE THE BIBLE TALK ABOUT?

God is a God of order, and when God made mankind, he made the male first, and then he made the female, and the Bible says, woman, submit unto your husband, as unto the Lord. That does not connote in any way slavery, or subservience. It only connotes allowing your husband to lead. Submission in this context means allow one to go first. It does not matter whether she has more, is taller, or bigger,or older etc. It is for orderliness.

Actually, the submission is mutual, I have seen men that are wise, submitting to their wife. He still consults her and that doesn’t mean the woman is controlling him. Submission does not mean a woman should be a foot mat, but means that whatever you want to do, let it be incorporated in what your husband is doing.




HOW IMPORTANT DO YOU THINK MONEY IS IN A MARRIAGE?

Of course, money is important, even the bible says that money is a defense, but there is a superiority of wisdom over money. You cannot do without money in planning and executing things. Money is used to run the family. Money of course should not be a major factor when it comes to love, but you need money to maintain the love. Money should not be a major consideration for who to marry, or who not to, but we need money to run the family. So even if we are not going to say “Oh this person does not have money, but you should also know, “Why does the man not have money? Does he have a plan to have money later?” If he does not have a plan, please money is a factor to be considered at that point.

Because, how do you pay your rent? How do you pay children school fees, how do you feed? A man has three primary responsibilities in marriage, to Provide, to Protect, and to Plan. You need money to provide, and to protect. Part of protection is security and shelter and you need money for it, even to plan.
God made Adam and gave him a job before he brought Eve. It wasn’t after he married, God knew that the man is to provide. Apostle Paul in one of his epistles said, “A man that cannot provide for his own house has denied the faith and is worst than an infidel”.

The Bible also encourages the woman to support, to do as much as she can do. But because she is a helper, she is not to carry everything, there is no tradition in the entire world that says that a man can do everything or the woman should do everything.

DOES A WOMAN NEED TO BE WORKING BEFORE MARRIAGE?

Marriage is not straight jacketed, no manual to show how it should be done, if the lady is working, fine, if she is not, fine. So long as the two of them are in agreement, if the husband does not want his wife to work, that means he is able to provide, because actually, house keeping is a full time job, especially when children come in, and if a man is strong enough financially and emotionally, and he wants his wife to stay at home, for a period.

Some of the problems we are having in this generation is as a result of lack of parental care. So if your husband can afford it, and you are not the greedy one that wants every thing, you can plan with the little that you have and you are contented. But if the woman is working before the marriage and there is need for her to continue to work, she should. And people say that women should submit all their money, but for 90% of women, their earnings go into the family's upkeep, whether they give the man the bulk, or bit by bit.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS OF THIS EXPRESSION? "In a family, who earns more should bring more"?

If a man earns 5000naira and the woman is earning 5million naira, the Man should provide everything. It is his duty and his responsibility, and much as he has the power and ability to provide, he should. If what we need to keep the home running is 4000naira and my husband is earning 5000naira, he should bring the 4000naira, it is now left for me to know what I will do, he should not demand that because I am earning more I should bring more, it is wrong, but if you flip to the woman's side, every Godfearing woman will not wait for her husband to ask before she brings.

Also, the God that instituted marriage placed the man as the head and as his responsibility, he should provide. He shouldn't say because my wife is earning more, she should bring more, it is wrong. Money is authority, it's like giving out your authority. Money brings power, and submission is like a two edged sword. She is giving everything to you, that means you should be able to carry her. Men should beware when they say submission, it is a big responsibility.

It is not scriptural for a woman to submit her earnings, because the Bible says that the proverbs 31 woman considereth a field and buys it, with her own money, that bible didn't say that she gave her husband her money to do that, but the woman in doing all these, honours her husband. It is still for the good of the house. So the man should be relaxed, loving and open to the extent that he should trust his wife to support and help. Anything she bring is help, no matter if it is higher than the man's input. Leaving everything for your wife who is earning more means you are also leaving your power.



DON'T YOU THINK WHEN THE MEN ARE LEFT TO BEAR A LOT OF FINANCIAL BURDEN AT HOME IT AFFECTS THEM NEGATIVELY?

Let me answer from two perspectives. One, that is why I said, the third primary role of a man is planning. There is a saying in Yoruba, a war that have been announced before hand does not kill the cripple, because he is already on his way before the war starts. Much of the things that causes problems financially, they are not actually basic needs, do you insist that your children must go to private university because that is where the people of your status attend. Parents should teach their children to study and to work hard, go to schools that they can afford, and don't have too many children. When you tell some folks to do family planning, they will say no, that Bible says be fruitful and multiple. But bible also says be wise as a serpent.

We are so religious that we think we are spiritual, and we create some of this issues for ourselves.
Some banks have this saving plan for children. From the day your child is born, if it is 2000naira you can afford, put it. By the time the child is entering university you will be surprised at what the child is having.
You say I don't have, but money is never enough, Bible says, it is God that gives us the power to make wealth, that is wisdom.



YOU TALKED ABOUT WOMEN WHO MAY NOT WORK, DOES THIS STATUS NOT HAVE A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON THEM?

Like I earlier said, if the man can afford it, that means that from the day you get married, apart from saving for your children, you also save for your wife, you can place her on allowance. I know a woman who her husband does this and she saves from it, she also has a business running, I didn't say the woman should just be at home doing nothing, you can work from home with your skills. I didn't say they shouldn't earn, it is not good because they are helpers and that includes financial help.

There is no amount of money that a husband can give a woman that will give her satisfaction if she doesn't have to add to it. She might get disturbed emotionally as she may feel she is not adding anything to the family, and because of our traditional society, even if the man is alive, family may keep saying she is 'eating' their son's money not knowing what the husband told her, just so as to cause trouble. She can make hair, have a laundry and dry cleaning service, etc. I don't subscribe to the idea that woman should not do anything at all. Even if it is to give to God like the widow in the Bible. You should have to give and to support others, including your own family.



YOUR ADVICE TO WOMEN ABOUT FINANCE AND MARRIAGE?

Women generally should learn to be economically empowered, because money is a defense, but do it under God. Plan with your husband, be open, be wise, be vigilant, be prayerful, work with your hands, there is no room for laziness. Submit to authorities and to mentorship, be strong financially but submit to your husband but not to bullying.








I will like to hear your views, do leave a comment!
Reach me at akorahchinelo@gmail.com.