"YOU RELATE WITH PEOPLE, BUT YOUR FAMILY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE BEFORE AND AFTER THAT OFFICE " MRS. M. OBUSOM~CHAIR PERSON, OSLG, DELTA STATE.(INTERVIEW! INSPIRING WOMAN SERIES).

As a teenager, I admired those people who occupy leadership positions at all levels, especially in Government. Most young girls then have nursed the ambition of being wives to the President or Governors of different States.
Though now we know better, that we also can become President and Governors too. However having our spouse occupying notable positions in Government is great news, but this could come with lots of responsibilities.
This is an INTERVIEW with Mrs Miriam Obusom, the wife of Mr Chuks Obusom the Chairman of Oshimili South Local Government Council in Delta State. Nigeria. Here she talks about her spouse, their journey so far in Public Service, their start together, family, love, children, and life!
An inspiring read!!!
YOU WILL LOVE IT!
ENJOY!


CAN WE MEET YOU MA'AM?
My name is Barr. Mrs. Miriam Chuks Obusom. I work with the Ministry of Justice, Delta State.I am from Buguma in Rivers State, married to the love of my life who is from oko Anala Delta State. We were classmates in the University, from year one to final year, we were best friends before we got married.
Getting married was not easy because I couldn’t comprehend getting married to my classmate, “where will we start from or what will we eat? We went to same Law School, at Abuja, I Served here in Delta State, he Served in Portharcourt. After Camp he deployed back to Delta state, we just decided that we should get married, there was nothing we were waiting for, let’s use our ‘allawee’ and get married and believe God for breakthrough and we did. It was a step of faith we are grateful to God that it has paid off. We don’t have any regrets.

WHAT POSITION DOES YOUR HUSBAND OCCUPY IN THE DELTA STATE GOVERNMENT?
Presently my husband is the Executive Chairman of the Oshimili South Local Government Council, he was elected in 2014. I play the role of the Chair person of the Local Government, as he may not be able to go to some places, a woman is fit to go, I go instead to represent him.


WHAT ROLES WERE YOU ABLE TO PLAY DURING THE CAMPAIGN?
I am not the outdoor kind of person, that does not mean I’m an introvert, I am not, so I didn’t come out, I was doing my own campaign on my knees, and I was talking to people on my own. I was doing more of prayers to support him, and each time he comes home, I asked about the day, about his challenges and encouraged him. I had a prayer team, we were praying mainly for him, we were supporting him physically and spiritually, though not financially, and it worked out, even though it was not easy.


DID YOU KNOW HE WAS GOING TO TOW THE LINE OF POLITICS?
Yes, I knew, back then in school, he wasn’t in Politics, but he was encouraging his friends and he was supportive and could effectively campaign and make sure the person he likes wins, he was involved in major decisions, and he was always telling me he wanted to go into Politics. It was one of the reasons we settled in Delta state. He actually contested for House of Assembly before the Local Government, it didn’t work out. We weren’t discouraged.


HOW DID YOU HANDLE YOUR DREAMS ALONGSIDE YOUR HUSBAND’S?
Well, I knew I was going to work at the Civil Service, it has always being my dream to rise through the Cadres of Government. I just wanted that job security. I felt that anywhere he goes I can always blend in. When we came initially I was in Private Practice, I served with Delta Electoral Commission, I was in E.E Okonkwo & CO after Service. We got married while we were still Serving, we were staying in one room, then government was paying NYSC members Seven thousand five hundred, we couldn’t even rent a room, we were squatting in somebody’s room, it was a family house, one of our member left his room for us,

then I was pregnant. We thereafter moved to a 3 bedroom flat. We told God we wanted our own house, he gave this place to us. Before then, God blessed us with several appointments, my husband had appointment with every government, he was appointed even under Ibori Administration. we finished serving in year 2002, by year 2003,immediately after Service he was appointed as the Vice Chairman of Transition, Oshimili South Local Government. After then, appointments started coming in, but we made up our mind that we wanted to contest for a political position.


HOW HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO MANAGE YOUR FAMILY AS AGAINST THE OUTTER PRESSURE POLITICS BRING?
First and foremost I will say It’s God, then two, Wisdom of God and three, understanding in the marriage. The wisdom of God makes you to know that, you relate with people, but your family will always be there, before election and after election, before and after that office. So no matter what you do, don’t joke with your family, like, no matter the pressure in the office, he does not bring the pressure home, at most he will drops it at the gate and comes in, even when he brings file, he doesn’t open it at home, if it is an emergency file he needs to work on, he explains it to me. Then I’m prepared and aware, which is not very frequent. sometimes he calls me from work, informs me about any extra workload that may keep him a bit late, even where an emergency meeting comes up, he still informs me, so that way, I’m prepared.

Then understanding, there are some occasions where from morning till night I wouldn’t hear from him, on weekends, he wakes up early in the morning and tells you, he has meetings today, he travelling here or there, I will have to understand and bear with him, and of course we will all be happy because we know when he is coming back goodies will follow. My children will be looking forward to when he is travelling, like as for my little daughter, if he travels by air, whatever they serve him, to and fro, he packages it, when he comes back, he gives it to her, maybe after that we will all go to an eatery, or he takes the kids.


SERVICE COMES ALONG WITH A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY, HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DEVELOP YOUR SELF FOR THE TASK?
I would say my Background, I’m the eldest child in my home, so I have started carrying out responsibilities since when I was younger, taking care of my younger ones. My mom is a Reverend and most times she goes for Retreats, my dad was an Army Officer, so most times he goes away for Courses, so I was always there for my mom, then Books helped a lot. There are so many things I don’t know, I ask my husband.

For instance, I have a problem of having to recognize people, some persons see me around and we exchange warmth pleasantries, but I will not remember their names, maybe they have been to our house once or twice, my husband then told me, to look at the person very well and pick something you will not forget about the person, when you come home describe the person to me, and I will give you the name, and he is very smart, when you describe one person, he already knows the name,

even where he hears the person’s voice. He has that strong sense of recognition.


STATUS OF PARENTS HAVE A WAY OF RUBBING OFF NEGATIVELY ON THE CHILDREN OF TODAY, HOW HAVE YOU BOTH BEING ABLE TO AVOID THAT IN YOUR HOME?
It's when the mother has failed in her duties. In Africa mostly, it is the man that goes out more, even if the woman is a working Class woman like the man, it is expected that she should spend more time with the kids, so even if the man will do his bids, as an African woman, she really needs to ‘put her eyes down’ to know what is happening in her home. Like when President Buhari said his wife belongs to the kitchen, some people were shouting, for crying out loud,

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let’s stop deceiving ourselves, all of us women belong to the kitchen. Even with your PHD, you come back home and cook for your husband. I know a woman in The House of Representatives, that cooks and stocks food on weekends for her husband. Meanwhile she lives in Abuja.

Like when I see this arrogant trait in my Children, when a stranger tries to great them, and they act coldly, I correct them. You have to teach these children, because when they get to school, they pick some bad habits. Also, when you have a personal relationship with God, it also pays, because your steps, your thoughts, your ways, will reflect your faith, and your children may not easily go wrong.


WHAT WILL YOU LIKE YOUR CHILDREN TO BE PROUD OF AND REMEMBER ABOUT THEIR PARENTS TIME IN OFFICE?
Our humility, because several people in various offices, forget where they are coming from, most of them have even lost their friends, I will want them to remember that it pays to just be yourself. Like recently it was my birthday, we wanted to call our political friends, I told my husband, we should give to people who will not have to eat when they go home.


That was what we did, and the children are watching. Usually we go to orphanages, like they have their things they usually reserve and they keep asking when we will go to the orphanage, and of course they know that giving clothes or shoes, it’s not the bad ones, but goods ones they might have outgrown. That is what they should learn. Treating humans equally.


HAVING A SPOUSE OCCUPYING PUBLIC OFFICE CAN BE CHALLENGING, WHAT WILL YOU SAY HAVE BEEN YOUR CHALLENGES?
You are not just free to be yourself, before now, I could just enter my car and drive to where I want, I like buying road side things a lot, like I can wake up and decide to go to the local market to buy a Novel, I love reading Novels, but now, I will get a lot of greetings and attentions, a lot of women selling will want to greet me. That freedom is no longer there, I cannot just stop anywhere,

You are not yourself, you have to think very well before you take any action, because it does not affect only you, it affects the image of the office. Lately I went to Airtel office to retrieve my line, when I came out, one young man had blocked my car, I stood there for over an hour, we were looking for the person, and the Security were just running up and down, they didn’t know were the young man entered, meanwhile my baby was at home, I didn’t know I was going to stay that long, I was angry, then I was worried, when I eventually saw the man, with all my anger, there wasn't much I could do, I had to restrain myself. I was angry, pushed to my limit, thenI just remembered that I was the Chairperson of the Local government.
Even when you are dressing, there is a way you will dress, some persons will misinterpret it as pride. You just have to keep being moderate in your dressing.


HOW HAVE BOTH OF YOUR BEEN ABLE TO KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP FIRE BURNING?
On the part of both of us, it is hard work. We just make up our minds that this whole thing will not affect our marriage, and I thank God that it has not affected,

and it will not affect our marriage, even our relationship. What we usually do is that, in the morning before he leaves the house, there’s always a kiss for all his girls, after anointing us, he anoints us every morning, the he kisses everybody round, when he comes back from work too, he does the same, so despite his busy schedule, even if they get him angry at work, whether he likes it or not, our kiss is always maintained, morning and evening, everyday.
Then sometimes, during the day, I give him a call, especially if I didn’t like his mood while he was leaving. We crack jokes and we just try to be our childish self to keep the relationship moving. Also we try to look good. He tries to look good, and I try to look good for him. So two of us just try to create time to do some specific things for each other that keeps the relationship going.


WHAT MAJOR SETBACK HAVE YOU BOTH HAD TO CONTEND WITH IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
He is a public figure, and he is a fine guy, So most times you will just see girls are all around him, and I will demand to know what the relationship is, where I need to help, I will, because you see these men, they do not know the antics of women, they may see it as nothing, but I have read in between the lines. And I will use prayers to dilute the person’s antics. Also helping him to avoid it. Or if I go to his office, and I see anyone I don’t understand the relationship, he doesn’t wait, he makes an introduction, oh have you met my wife? That’s my wife, and he tells me, this is so person.

Then recently we lost our son, my baby is a twin, and before the incident, for three weeks we were running helter skelter, he tried, he was wonderful. That was when he started changing diapers, he was sleeping in the hospital, I couldn’t stand it, so I was home with the other baby. He was always there. So eventually the child went.


AS REGARDS YOUR HUSBAND'S, IN THE COURSE TIME, HAS THERE BEEN THE ISSUE OF JEALOUY WHICH YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH?
Normally, when you are not doing well, every body is your friend, the moment people feel you are doing well, there’s envy everywhere, I didn’t know I had unfriendly friends until my husband became Chairman of the Council. It has been terrible, some times I feel I’m dreaming, I didn’t know people can be this way, I don’t know what is called envy, I have never envied anyone for anything in my life. It’s my orientation, I read a lot of books, the sky is very wide enough for everybody.

No two persons have the same destiny and destination in life. People do not understand that who you are today, what you are and where you are going is in God’s hands is not in your hands, that this person today is seeing three square meals to eat does not mean he will see it forever, it is just grace. Everything is time. When we married, from our one room self contain, the only thing we had was just our bag containing our cloths and books, from there we went to a three bedroom flat, we were sitting on the floor, there were no chairs, my neighbour even had to ask if we didn’t bring our properties along.

I was an NYSC member we stayed in the place like that for three months I wasn’t ashamed. When we were leaving the house there was nothing you will look for in a man’s house that you won’t see in that house. It’s time. We have gifted out vehicles as at today, there were days when we were trekking, even with my big tummy. Today we have been able to build a house. Then I envied no one, why should I? it is only people who do not have understanding that do. This envy are from close friends, not far away people, people I have gone the extra miles for, the same people.

As for handling issues like this with family members, the beautiful thing is that my husband is a firm type, he shields me from family member, I don’t have issues with them, before you get to me, you get to him first.


ARE THERE SOME GOALS YOU HAVE HAD TO FORFEITE BASICALLY BECAUSE OF THE PATH YOUR HUSBAND HAS CHOOSEN?
Yes, growing up, I had always wanted to do a girl child thing, an NGO, I have always been particular about the girl child, she is mostly abused, demoralized and debased. I have passion for girl children, how they are to carry themselves high. But because of this my husband politically involvement, there are things I cannot say, like saying if you are in an abusive marriage, leave. It was my dream to create awareness for the girl child, but because of his ambition, I have to pipe low, because what I will be saying, people won’t like it. As a lawyer I have handled some rape cases, written opinions on such cases. You see that the girls never come to court. Not that if you are a woman you cannot come under a man, but you should also have an identity.


WHAT IMPACT DO YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND HAVE MADE AS CHAIRMAN OF THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT?
I know he has touched lives, in several ways, he has been there for so many children and adults, so many personal things he has been able to do for people.


IF YOU WERE YOUNGER, WHAT ADVISE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR YOUNGER SELF?
Looking back, if I had known we were going to be where we are today I would have married my husband earlier, I wouldn’t have waited till when we were Serving, because the same way we survived, we would have still survived. He may not be perfect, but he is a good man, and I don’t have any regrets with him.


HOW DO YOU FEEL WOMEN AND GIRLS CAN CONTRIBUTE TO GOVERNMENT?
They can by various ways, affecting lives in the grassroots, like you go to schools, you see some children, they don’t even have school uniforms to wear, their school uniforms are so tattered, as a woman it should touch you and you should help.
Skill acquisition program can be taking to school, Career Talks too, even talks on Sexual Education, Personal hygiene and so on. It is giving back to the society and this brings fulfillment to us.


YOUR ADVICE TO YOUNG WOMEN?
They should not lose their focus, and tell themselves they can get there, the first thing is determination and not allow anything distract them. They should know that whatever they want, they can get it. They should not listen to the negative things the society may say against them. Like I am a lawyer today my mom is happy, but if I had listened to her and some of her friends who spoke against me being a lawyer, I wouldn’t have become one. They told me I may not see a husband to marry, but I knew where I was going. And prayers, you cannot do anything without God.



I hope you enjoyed reading!
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