It was in a church I asked this question, that, "Where a Man always beats his wife, hitting, slapping, blowing, kicking her and then she has been to the hospital severally because of broken ribs, bruises and several cut, and this beating keeps repeating itself, then one fateful day, he beats her, and she did not wake up again. She did not wake up FOREVER!!!
Was there a point she should have left?
Should we blame her for staying?
The answer I got from a very respectable womens teacher and leader was that, those people involed are not Christians they are "unbelievers." She went ahead to say this, "that is why she advises young people to marry Christians. That me myself should be a Christian and marry a Christian.
I tried to explain that even "Christians" have these issues too, and she insisted that where the couples are true Christians, they wouldn't have domestic violence issues. With the murmur of approval in the congregation, I am sure a good number of them agreed with her. I was dismayed. The message I sought for her to pass, was submerged, buried.
Except that the pastor came to my rescue and said that it is true that the violence occur at home, even among pastors.
It is amazing to still find some "church goers" who uses Religion to cover their sight, and the sight of those who cares to believe them.
Ronke Shonde killed by her husband recently, was a member of Redeemed Christian Church of God, her fellow church members talked about seeing her recently in church,before her death, but never saw any trace of violence on her. This is the story of a lot of women, passing through abusive relationships, they go to church putting up wonderful appearances, while they groan and cry deep inside, some leave a home behind where they are battered, slapped at will by their husband who also comes to church and lift up holy hands.
Where an atmosphere of denial is created in a place of worship, every body is expected to act perfect and never to show any sign of imperfection which is our true nature, things get hidden. Victims of domestic violence should be given a conducive environment to speak out, so that solutions can be found, most times when issues like these are talked about, it does not get so worsened like when it is in secret. The current incident of the woman's death caused by her husband as it is alleged, is one out of a million instances. I am not wishing that this should continue so that families will break up. God forbid. I am only hopeful that if we freely and openly condemn the act of husbands beating up or slapping their wives, then the act might be checked and eventually drop to an all time low.
However, do not die in silence if you have tried to bear the torture and physical abuse, speak out, tell someone, do not take it for granted. Leave the house if it has become life threatening. The society will be the same people who will come for your burial as they went for Ronke's if you care so much about what they think. Save your life first. You are not the problem, the beater is, there is not justifiable reason on earth for a husband to hit his wife. None whatsoever.
We pray for a good and working marriage, but when it becomes life threatening. Do well to say goodbye. Your children will thank you later.
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